Life Lessons through Conversations
As I am reading/listening to Coaching A-Z: The Extraordinary Useoby Haesun Moon, I am fascinated by the way she tells stories. Stories are at the root of human communication. Our conversations are the stories we tell each other. Coaching is about having those conversations. As coaches we listen, observe, and reflect the essence of the stories our co-conversationalists are telling us. We ask questions and make observations about what is helping them move forward.
People come to a coaching because they are looking for change. Change is difficult, and for many it is only possible through the reinforcement of a support structure.
We all recognise the importance of goal setting. As a teacher, I know well that without determining my destination (goals), I could not have hoped to achieve and have my students achieve much in my lessons. It is the same with life.
Setting goals is a key to our success, but we also need strategies or action plans. Knowing how we are going to achieve our goal is important; for example, I may want to lose some weight and I know I must eat differently and do more exercise.
There is, however, a third ingredient. Goals and action plans are not enough. More powerful is knowing our why. The ‘why’ is where motivation starts. Haesun puts it beautifully and succinctly: Knowing the why of the what (I’m eating healthy food so I can be fit and able to play with my grandchildren) drives the how of the what (I need to eat more vegetables and fewer processed foods).
People are much more motivated to continue their journey of change when they discover how much they have already moved in their chosen direction. When we converse with friends and family, we may notice how often people dwell on the negative. We could all use the tools of coaching to help others and ourselves focus on what they are already doing to move towards that which they hope to achieve. We can all be coaches when we remember to look not for what the matter is with the other, but rather what matters to them.